So I started my part-time job this week working for the Royal College of Nursing! It’s for 3 months, which is pretty much ideal whilst I hunt for permanent work in sci comms/med comms and get through my viva (and do post-viva corrections/paper writing). I’m arranging travel so it’s not overly exciting but it pays all right, and hot damn, if it isn’t a good feeling to be off jobseekers. Everyone’s been really friendly so far and the office and building are really nice. Also the food in the canteen is yummy. Always a bonus. 🙂
It remains to be seen how much of a killer the commute will be, but it’s only 1 h 10, with two 10 min walks, so I’ll be getting regular fresh air and exercise for the first time in months. I hadn’t realised how much walking I did in Manchester (3 miles a day minimum, on average, sometimes as many as 6 miles), nor how little I did whilst I was writing up. My main issue with the journey this morning, aside from the “game” of sardines, is how quickly I get hot and horribly sweaty. Like, everyone else will be wearing jumpers and thick winter coats, and scarves, whereas I’m dying to take off more layers than is acceptable in public. I always assumed everyone gets too warm on public transport but maybe not. Maybe it’s just me?
At least the journey home is nowhere near as bad, and has the bonus opportunity of getting a seat.
My other exciting news is that Squishy and I are signing the rental agreement for our new house on Monday!!! It’s a proper HOUSE, with a living room, a dining room and a separate kitchen, with 2 bedrooms and an actual GARDEN with GRASS and FLOWERS! It also has a proper cellar that is dry, has plug sockets and radiators. The clearance is only 5 ft 5 down there, so I’m fine, even if Squishy isn’t! Being 6 ft 6 has it’s downsides apparently…. 😛
We’ll be moving in asap, although I will be staying at Mum’s in London for three/four nights a week whilst I’m working at the RCN. We’ll see how it goes. I am concerned about the boring but essential matters regarding chores and food but otherwise, I’m really excited, and am looking forward to being able to make a home together.
I’ve adjusted to my higher dose of citalopram finally. I had a three week period where I absolutely couldn’t find the motivation to do anything and where the things I usually enjoy and do for fun were no fun at all. I believe that is called anhedonia, and it was a bit of a shock, because even when I was really struggling last year, my fun hobbies were still fun, even if I couldn’t find the motivation to work. I remember feeling similar to that several times in the past but it was so not in keeping with how I was feeling more recently that I was really quite worried about it. I’ve been doing the PHQ-9 fortnightly to try and keep track of how things are going, and I’m going to keep up with that.
The new job has thrown up a few interesting observations already which, again, I will be keeping an eye on. First there’s the “doing something new with
considerable risk attached” aversion. Second, there’s the “I need to interrupt someone and ask a question but-I-really-don’t-want-to-now-isn’t-a-good-time-they’re-busy” maudling. Then there’s the “oh God, I’m going to be punished” fear and finally, there’s the “oh, I’m probably not qualified for that, so I won’t put myself forward” despondency.
None of those four things are fun. The first two/three points are horribly familiar from when I started the PhD in a new place, and didn’t know anyone or have any real relationships with them, and it really fucked me up back then, so I’m going to do my best to be aware of them (yay, mindfulness!) and get over myself to do what needs to be done.
One example includes having to set up my voicemail message on my phone, which I still haven’t done but must do tomorrow. I need to ask my line manager if there’s a proper format for it, and I don’t want to because I feel like I should know it already, even though I’ve never actually gotten around to setting up my voicemail message on any of my own phones ever, and haven’t worked in an office environment where that was actually necessary.
Another example is of booking a hotel for the first time when there weren’t any specifics given, apart from “needs to be near [place]”. Thoughts included “eep, that’s a lot of money, what if I get it wrong?!” and “Will they like this hotel? Will they want a single or a double room? Does it even matter? What about breakfast?” Another is “there’s like £5 difference in the price – which option should I choose? The cheapest one because using funds wisely is a thing, but the slightly more expensive one has this benefit? Ugh.”
The “oh, I’m probably not qualified enough and I don’t think I could demonstrate the things they’re asking for” reaction isn’t a problem at work but it is with the job hunting. I’ve got to work through this sooner rather than later! And it’s mostly a self-confidence thing, but not entirely?
Anyway, I’m tired and it’s past my bedtime.
Any of you got any exciting or positive things to share?