Just a quick post to say Hi!
I’m moving house today – moving in with Squishy for the first time! No more long distance for us! Finally!
I’ve been busy with work and packing and that sort of thing. I should also be starting on my corrections next week and I really, really need to sort out my CV/resumé.
I will also admit that I’m at a bit of a loss as to what to write about here. I’ve spent two long years hating on the PhD process and what it’s done to my mental health but it’s not actively an issue right now. The sources of pressure are significantly reduced and at a distance. I’m still a bit anxious about working through my corrections and working on the paper with my collaborators but these tasks feel eminently achieveable. Finding the time to focus on them while also job hunting and moving house has been difficult but I’m sure I can figure it out.
I’m burned out on the whole feminist ranting about sexism thing too. I haven’t read anything recently that’s shattered my world view and it all seems a bit samey topic-wise. Reading about how women get screwed over in career advancement, in the home, in politics and in health matters is just depressing. Yes, I am well aware the world is full of shocking, hurtful things and that many people really suffer from it, thanks. Just reading the word “r*pe” in a headline is enough to make my stomach sink and frankly, I don’t need to put myself through that anymore. I’m much more at peace with my own trauma history than I was a few years ago. It still affects me from time to time but I mostly know where those tripwires are and for the most part I can talk it through with Squishy if it’s actively affecting our sex life in the moment.
Likewise I’m fed up of reading about how much Academia sucks as an industry and work environment, especially for women and non-white people. But again, I’m not in that game any more and don’t intend to be ever again. I’m still bitter about it and expect I will be for a good long while beacuse that’s how I roll, so why should I read about that either? The topics “how to write a thesis”, “how to manage your time effectively” and “how to survive/thrive in gradschool” are not relevant to me anymore! (Praise Blind Io).
Suffice it to say that my WordPress and Feedly readers are looking a bit threadbare at the moment. I’m sure something will crop up eventually that grabs my interest again but that may take a while, and as I’m going to be very busy learning how to work in a different industry soon, I’m going to have my hands full. Nevermind that I would also like to get stuck back in to medieval re-enactment this summer, which means I need to spend quite some time working on my kit and getting it up to scratch.
The subject that is on my mind a lot right now is body image and how I’m experiencing being in my body. Being mentally under the weather for the better part of five years and being on antidepressants for 7 months has altered my body in quite a few ways, some that I am deeply unhappy with, starting with going up a dress size, to a UK 18. I am aware of HAES and the “dieting works” myth but I look at photos of plus size Fat Acceptance bloggers and feel waves of distugst and revulsion roll over me, swiftly followed by shame because fatphobia is Not Cool. So, something to think about and work through!
Anyway, that’s probably enough of my disjointed ramblings for today. I hope life is treating you well. I’ll be back soonish. Failing that, please follow me on Tumblr? I’m lonely!