So, the other weekend, Squisher and I were having a lie-in, reading the internet on our phones, as you do. I was quietly reading whatever it was in my blog feed when he came out with some assinine comment about women ruining a monumental scientific achievement – landing a robot on a comet – by complaining about a shirt a guy wore to announce it, when that shirt was made by his female* friend as a gift.

I’d seen something about Philae on the google homepage but wasn’t fussed enough to follow it up. I’d seen something else about a sexist shirt being worn by the guy annoucing the robot landing in one of the link roundups I follow but had ignored it on the basis of “whelp, there goes the internet – someone’s been an unthinking sexist douche again, women are rightly pissed off and teh mens are attacking them for having the teremity to stand up for ourselves”. Been round this merry-go-round before, thanks! Continue reading


Authorship and Voice

In writing the first chapter of my Thesis I decided it would be a good idea to read a few books about how to write a good thesis. A lot of the books cover only the basics – IMRAD structure, how to produce informative clear graphs, how to do a literature review etc. Now I could improve in all these things but none of them were new concepts. Apart from one new idea in one book, “Surviving Your Dissertation” (2nd Ed. Rudeston and Newton) which concerned authorship, Voice and their importance to the writing process.

So what are they and why are they important?

Authorship is the confident ownership of your written words. Voice meanwhile is Continue reading

Trespassing in Gay Town

I had the good fortune to attend a conference this weekend for lesbian, bi, and transgender folk (MTF and FTM) of the kinky persuasion. Fun was had, new friends made and interesting insights gained but feelings were stirred and it was difficult.

I know I’m bisexual, I’ve known it for several years, but this weekend? I felt too straight. I realised I feel like a trespasser every time I walk through the Gay Village. I know my crushes on women are just as important to me as my crushes on men, and I know that if I met the right woman at the right time, I would date her. But in the face of that many queer folk whose relationships and gender presentations put them in the path of significant social stigma, I felt like I didn’t have the right to my voice.

'I bat for both' T-shirt

Best T-shirt I saw all weekend!

Continue reading

Learning to be Yourself

Cliff Pervocracy wrote an awesome post on relationship maintenance which you should definitely check out, and it got me thinking about my own relationship and how we spend our time together, and how I feel about that. And it led to a deeper awareness, a reminder that I can be good, even if things don’t go the way I want them to.

Gawain and I live in different cities which are about an hour’s travel apart, so we get to see each other most weekends and usually one night a week. We phone every night, or thereabouts, and text on and off during the day. Thing is, I don’t really like phones and I don’t like being interrupted when I’m in the middle of something, so I don’t reply straight away, and I have a habit of accidentally forgetting to take my phone off silent. Coupled with my belief that phone calls ought to have a purpose, the person initiating the call ought to have something to say more than “Hi, love you. Night”. You can see where this is going, right?!

The misery of "Ought"

Eros Caged

Basically, we went through a bit of a rough patch. Gawain was upset I wasn’t returning his texts, and I was getting frustrated at the phone calls, especially since he never asked how my day was or what I’d been up to. I’d end up feeling guilty because I wanted to hang up when I felt I *ought* to still be attempting to make conversation. The calls were full of long pauses and there was always the awkward dance that precedes hanging up. Resolving it took several tearful, snappy phone calls, and eventually comforting hugs and apologies and explanations in person. I’m not quite sure, now, looking back how we did fix it but we did. I think it took some re-adjusting of expectations neither of us realised we had.

Another frustrating thing with underlying expectations was the ‘but I’m waiting for you’ dance. Continue reading